I’m telling you feet sunken in reality, that life
moves on.
… And Jesus He will take you back to the darkest places of
life you’ve ever known and let you just run victory laps around and around the
darkness casting light onto the misery you once knew so well. He can do this.
He does do this.
He mends. He dumps grace into the most empty of spaces- the gaps the size of the grand canyon. And it
satisfies.
In all my denial and fears, life moves along. Day after day.
As sure as the hairs on my head and hot as the coffee I’m sippin’ in this seat, Life. Moves. On.
Those first minutes, and then hours passed with the kind of I’m 20something and laying in bed between my parents
because that’s the only possible thing that seems safe in this world - kind of utterly
dark and miserable hours, they went on one by one.
Days passed right along walking dirt roads in Africa
begging a savior whose existence I questioned. He began to sooth out the
cracked and dry clay broke parts of me. To mend, to show Himself so clearly and
to claim back this heart that He would make so whole once again.
Weeks go on as commitments made, new dreams made- healing
comes and life normalized. It all moved on, life.
And with all those times my Momma promised to me that it
would be ok, that somehow in the midst of weeks passing, happened.
Life goes on – healed, I tell
you. That we may take time and remember
and rejoice, to celebrate that He has rescued me from the cliff-edge of
destruction and sunk me feet into grace.
It’s with ever fiber of my being I tell you that Jesus can
heal. My heart beating hard for you too to believe this truth. He can remake.
He can redeem. He can make life move onward. New dreams come. New hope. New
identity. Newness is His anthem. Mercy is the banner He’s been singing over me.
I have been relearning, redoing, rehoping, reprocessing,
remembering, rebelieving, relearning, reversing, RE: My heart got run through a
cheese shredder and it continues to be the best thing that ever could have happened
in all my days and in all the land – brokenness was good... Life completely
fell apart. It shattered to beyond the point of disaster, hysterical crying in
public places for days on end, and my parents being the real rock stars of this
show, somehow making their not so baby’s life become ok again. Better than ok. And at their exhaustion, friends filling in
to constantly birth hope and promises that this little heart of mine would want to
love again. And it sure does.
The kind of gut wrenching when I tell you the details of my
story in a book that’s coming to a store near you (hint!), it will make
you sit in disbelief. Humanity. Sinners.
This world is far from fair. And it’s an ugly lesson to learn.
And it hurts., the RE of it all hurts. Him, my savior, taking the
things my heart wants and detaching them and attaching them onto Himself so He
can change my everything - It hurts. Pain. Doubt. Confusions. Chaos. There is
no right way to walk through the seasons of ‘my whole world fell apart.’
He has held every single moment. To the smallest details my mind could never
comprehend, He has made life move on. He
has calmed my raging seas and walked with me through the fire. He has proved Himself worthy even in my disbelief. He has never
once let me walk alone. With each string
of my heart cut off and re-sewn back to himself – he did it all, carefully
making the stitches. He promised renewal. He promised to take my shame and walk
it right out of the grave…. And tears in my eyeballs, I’m telling you He did.
He has been my portion, and far more than enough for me. He
has provided my everything. He has made me brave. Bracing the unknown and that completely terrifying reality that is brokenheartedness. He is with you,
carrying the heart that’s been rubbed up and down a cheese shredder.
I tell you.., God, you did everything
you promised, and I’m thanking your with all my heart. You puled me from the
brink of death, my feet from the cliff-edge of doom. Now I stroll at leisure
with God in the sunlit fields of life. (Ps. 56:13)
No comments:
Post a Comment