The Pendulum is Swinging

Right now? I'm in bed, still in my pajamas, sipping tea and writing. It's 10:19 am. I declined a friend's invite to the gym because I needed to get some work done, and in a few minutes when I'm done “working”, I'll search inner country flights throughout Africa and read one friends grant proposal and give my two-cents. Then later, I may walk down the block to my favorite little boutique and see what's on the sale rack. Or rummage through Urban Outfitters to hopefully find the shoes my Mr. Coach man wants. And at some point, I will maybe work again today. But all pending on what the sunshine does. 

And there we have it. The pendulum flying across. 

In the mist of all opposites - happy and depressing, purpose and profit, must do and get to, selfishness and sacrifice, necessity and complete luxury, hard and easy, me and them - seems everything to be going from one extreme to the other in a matter of seconds. My life is really weird these days. 

I cry about babies in Africa on Monday night and paint my toenails on Tuesday morning like it's nothing.

I raise money for non-profits and spend money on a non-fat $5 dollar lattes.

And I've made a scene about social justice while wearing clothes that were made by children in sweat shops. What? Yes, ain't nobody ever heard of American Apparel?

Back and forth, back and forth. The world keeps going by, a blurred streaky mess, filled with offers and opportunities and enticing engagements. Some days I can't even keep up. From Guatemala to LA to that East Coast of Africa, from the suburbs to the strip clubs, from the digital writing and promo world to The Gap Outlet and back again, I ride the pendulum - just holding the freak on for dear life. "I'm trying so hard to reconcile the gross with the good, that sometimes I forget to look, instead, for the still, unmoving places, smooth spots in the landscape of life where God can be seen clearly. It's only when I see Him in the chaos and confusion that I find clarity and rest." (-Jamie)

Life probably won't ever make sense. If you stop and look at my daily calendar it's just weird. But Jesus sovereignty at its' work- hell will freeze over before I have a traditional lifestyle that's something like a 9-5 gig. 

"Try as I might, I can't seem to put it all together in a nice neat package. But maybe that's because I've been trying to make vanity and materialism fit neatly into my life, right next to selflessness and generosity. Maybe I shouldn't want arrogance smooshed up against humility, or ignorance tucked in with wisdom. Perhaps anger wasn't supposed to be given a spot with Grace at all." (-Jamie)

The opposite ends of a pendulum aren't meant to come together. They never were. Perhaps, the tension among the two is probably where we all should want to be.