Hope Part 1

He loves monster trucks. We played on the swing set for a while and had spaghetti for dinner with garlic bread.  For dessert we ate ice cream with green and red sprinkles.  But he likes his sprinkles side by side, so the colors don't mesh.  Just the same as he likes his ketchup and mustard when we have corn-dogs. 

I don't think 4 years ago anyone would have guessed in that hospital room so sweetly in love with a newborn child that this day would look like today.  No one ever plans to miss their childs birthday or not be the one to sing Happy Birthday to them over ice cream. No one plans for disaster and failure.  No one hopes for legal separation from their child. 

I tucked him into bed this night at about 7:40pm and held him tight playing through my head his reality of why I am the one there. If only you knew the whole story of why 2 boys go to bed at night with a Mom down the road in an apartment unable to see her babies. 

This weekend I watched her cry as she said goodbye after visiting hours.  Tears in her eyes and mine.  Tears of brokenness, hurt, abandonment, guilt and confusion. Just flat out pain.  As she walked out the door and left me there on the front porch with her 2 boys, I whispered the words "You're a really great Mom you know...."

It was a moment you just wish the world would pause, because hope was overwhelming our hearts.  Just like that moment when I tucked him into his bed this night on his 4th birthday.  There, I am so honored, yet so broken.  Honored to be the one to love and serve in this season of life for someone elses babies.  Blessed to pray over them begging king Jesus for salvation and grateful to tuck them into bed at night on birthdays.  Yet, so broken for the reality of why.  Broken for a women who sits down the road singing Happy Birthday in an empty apartment.  Frustrated by humanity and simply what sin does to people. 

This night of bed time on a 4th birthday has no happy ending or perfect lesson to go with it, but that's the entire point.  Hope is real and it hasn't given up. It's what makes this story to be continued...