I was walking through Children's Hospital in downtown St. Louis and I began to cry. The memories overtook me of days and nights I had spent with a pounding, swollen brain and there was nothing anyone could do. I was angry in this moment walking quickly to get my flu shot in the hospital early Monday morning.
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I was so overwhelmed I did not know what to do. I questioned everything I had been though, did it all really happen? Was I dreaming? I hated Satan in the moment. Memories flew through me- I was strolling down hallways in wheelchairs to CATscans and MRI's one moment and the next, I remember hopeless nights falling asleep in my parents bed because I knew nothing else to do but cry and trust they would keep me safe. Then, I was talking to school officials because I was never in attendance and they did not understand. I know I knew God was somewhere but where? My family life was a mess. I remember telling my Dad I was craving Pizza one time in the hospital, a Nun came and prayedover me. On a hospital bed I watching MTV with my Aunt Patrice. It was like bam, bam, bam. Two years of my life all came up in one moment.
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Monday morning in the middle of public I was playing baseball with my past. I was combating lies, and wanting to run anywhere but from the moment I was caught up in. I once spent my days and nights in the Children's hospital because I acted and believed like a child. I was chasing after lustful dreams like a child. I threw my Jesus around like a child playing ball. I was in need of something to happen to make me see my depravity. I needed God to come and bring me out, and show me a power and a way that was worthy of all my trust and hope. A God who believed and knew that there was something better for my future than what I thought I could at best achieve.
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I only know one thing: My father has brought me out of captivity, and I am free from condemnation because of His grace that I am sinking in.
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